Some days I wonder, "Do I really have to be a mom today?"
It might be because of a sick, whiny child.
It might be because of a child who is grounded because of their fits and disobedience. And then while they are grounded they whine and boob that they are so bored and they have nothing to do that I am then tempted to unground them because their punishment is a greater punishment to me.
It might be because I'm feeling overwhelmed by all of my mom responsibilities of the day.
It might be because I'm just plain tired.
It might be because I've already heard my name said over a thousand times and it's not even noon yet.
It might be because after I clean up one room and move to the next, the first room is already destroyed again.
And it just might be because it ALL happens in the same day.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Some days I wonder, "Do I really have to be a mom today?"
Posted by Ashlee at 11:25 AM
Thursday, July 14, 2011
We decided to bless Kate earlier this month. She was only going to be three weeks old, but we were also going to have Rob and Lindsey in town (my BIL and SIL)and so we thought it would be a great time to do it. I was a little worried about her blessing dress. My MIL, Pam, made Lily's blessing dress and at one point when I was pregnant with Kate she said she would make her's as well. However, with only 1 1/2 weeks before the blessing I thought it wouldn't be very kind of me to ask Pam to make Kate's blessing dress on such short notice; especially since she was very busy with other sewing projects at that time. Kate wouldn't be able to wear Lily's because she was so much younger and smaller than Lily when she was blessed. I thought I could have her wear my blessing dress, but it wasn't my ideal choice.
Pam came to the rescue. Pam completely volunteered to make Kate's dress with only a week before the blessing, and I must say it turned out absolutely beautiful. She had to make some adjustments on the size to fit tiny Kate, but it turned out simple, long, and elegant. I loved it.
Bryan gave Kate a very sincere, beautiful blessing. I told him I thought it was the best one yet. After church we came back to the house and celebrated with family and friends while eating some great food. We are so blessed to have both of our families so close and so supportive. I can't thank them enough for all that they did to make her blessing day memorable.
Marissa's gifts to Kate. The shoes were so big on her tiny feet.
Posted by Ashlee at 2:25 PM
She has been so much fun (for me because I LOVE newborns) and I could literally spend all day snuggling with her on my chest, which just happens to be her favorite place too.
Posted by Ashlee at 1:24 PM
Thursday, June 16, 2011
When I found out that I was pregnant with Kate I knew that I wanted to have a natural delivery. I had had an epidural with all three of the other kids, and as Kate was "our last", I really wanted to try the natural route. I never had a bad experience with any of my previous labors or epidurals, I just wanted the experience of natural childbirth. Bryan thought I was crazy and was very vocal about it. According to him, he didn't want to see me suffer and he always asked me why I would want to put myself through voluntary pain. For me, I wanted the experience. That's as simply as I can put it. I figured that God created women to give birth and so why not experience what we were created to do? Yes, I am completely aware that many people, including family members, think I'm crazy and that this isn't a good enough reason; but for me, it was.
I planned all along to go natural and I prepared myself by reading a book on hypnobirthing. It helped put my fears aside and gave me a "method" to get through labor. I always hoped that I would have a fast labor so that I wouldn't have to endure the pain for a long time, and talking to my doctor and a family friend that was an OB, based on my previous labors, they both felt that I would have a fast labor, a labor that would probably be 1.5 hours. Well, yep. They were absolutely right.
So here is the very detailed version of Kate's crazy, fast birth story.
I had a doctor appointment on Thursday, June 9, at 4:00. I was officially one day overdue. As I went to the doctor, I had my hospital bag packed and the kids' suitcase packed in the car to stay overnight at my parents just in case. I had a feeling that that night might be the night she came, so I was prepared. At the appointment, the doctor checked me and I was dilated to a 4 and 75% effaced. He stripped my membranes (again) and told me that he wouldn't be surprised if I was back later that night. I told the doctor to keep in mind that I lived in Eagle Mountain (and we had to make it to Riverton hospital) and asked him how far apart my contractions should be when I needed to go to the hospital. He told me I needed to come in at 5 minutes apart because he felt that I would go fast.
That evening I was having contractions here and there and we decided to leave the kids at my parents' house for the night. This ended up being a very wise decision. Bryan and I went home and relaxed. Okay, not really. (*Sidenote: I went home and started vacuuming. Bryan refused to let me "ruin my hearing" with our extremely loud vacuum. He made a quick impromptu trip to WalMart to buy a new vacuum while I relaxed and breathed through contractions. He came home, assembled the vacuum and I finished vacuuming. Classic Bryan and Ashlee story before a baby is born.)
I was still having contractions that evening. They would be regular for a bit and then stop for an extended period of time. I wasn't really able to fall asleep because of the contractions, and at 11:30 pm I started having regular contractions at 8 minutes apart. As much as I had prepared with hypnobirthing, that went out the door. I didn't feel like the hypnobirthing was working for me and I felt I could get more relief various other ways. I got out of bed and walked around the house, played Solitaire on my phone, and tried to breathe through them and relieve them in various positions while Bryan got a little bit of sleep. Pretty quickly to contractions went from 8 minutes to 5 minutes. At that point I went in the bedroom and woke up Bryan and told him that we needed to go, to which he woke up with the reply of a very loud, "Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!" To which I replied, "Excuse me? What are YOU groaning about?" Apparently for him it wasn't "good timing". Ha!
Bryan quickly grabbed the things he needed and we loaded into the car and headed out. It was about 12:40 am, and as soon as we got going the contractions dropped to 4 minutes apart. As we got to Camp Williams on Redwood Road, the contractions were then 2 minutes apart and getting harder. I wondered how much longer I would be able to handle them. They were intense. We turned onto Bangerter and when we did that, the mother of all contractions hit. WOW!! This contraction came and it kept going and going. I think I howled in pain - no, I know I howled in pain. I ripped my seatbelt off, put my foot up on the seat and pushed up off it to try and help relieve something! I always wondered how I would know when I went into the "transition" stage of labor where the baby would drop down into the birth canal and I would be in the final stage. Well, now I knew. This contraction went on "forever" and brought a sharp pain with it and I literally felt the baby drop.
Bryan really started speeding at this point and we were only a few minutes away from the hospital. We hit a red light one stop light away from the hospital and I yelled at Bryan to turn right and go a different way. We were a few blocks away when another contraction hit and oh boy, the "pressure" contractions set in. It was if her head was right there and I cried, "Oh my goodness Bryan, she's coming!" Panic set in on Bryan and he REALLY started to speed because there was no way he was going to be delivering that baby in the car. We pulled up to the hospital doors, Bryan turned off the car, grabbed the bag, and raced into the hospital to try and find a wheelchair. Luckily there were two security guards to assist us, one got a wheelchair while the other got the elevator. Meanwhile, I got out of the car and started walking into the hospital and made it between the two double doors when another contraction came. Bryan turned around to find me hunched over with my hands on my knees and groaning. I literally looked at the dirty floor mat and contemplated getting down on my hands and knees hoping to find some relief from the pressure. The pressure was crazy. Like women have said before, it felt like I needed to poop REALLY bad. But at the same time I knew even doing that wouldn't bring relief. It was like there was a heavy balloon filling up inside of me and expanding and pushing down on my bum. (Graphic enough? Well, that's what it felt like.) They wheeled me up to the Labor and Delivery floor and as we turned the corner there were a few nurses standing at the desk. When they saw me the charge nurse, said, "Oh we have one." I gave her THE look and she said, "Oh, okay. Let's get you in here and check you."
I got into my delivery room and my nurse, Wendi, told me that I had to get undressed so that she could check me. I literally threw my jacket off and all modesty went out the window as I stripped down in front of three nurses. In fact, I ripped my shirt off forgetting that I had put my bra on and I got all entangled in it with my arms pinned up by my head. Awesome. So finally after getting undressed the nurse checked me and I was of course fully dilated and engaged. The nurse told one of the other nurses to call my doctor and to call him at home. He only lives in Daybreak and so he should have been able to get there quickly.
I laid on my right side and gripped the hand rail and held on while the other contractions came. As Bryan said, he thinks I left imprints on that hand rail. Wendi, my nurse, sat by my side and coached me through the contractions. At this point it was the pressure that I had to endure, and I held on and "ooohhhhhed" my way through them. I'm proud to say I wasn't screaming and hollering, it was just a low moan and I was able to remain in control. Wendi just kept saying,"Don't push Ashlee" as I held on and breathed. They were just waiting on my doctor. I didn't care if the doctor was there, I just wanted to deliver this baby!
The pressure kept coming and soon I got to experience "The Ring of Fire". And yes, it is just what it sounds like, a. ring. of. fire. The burning sensation wasn't as "hot" as I thought it would be, but it was still quite uncomfortable. On one contraction my bag of water partially came out which I thought it was the baby's head (and it felt like it), and I asked, "Is she here?" Bryan and the nurse told me no, but that they could see her head. At that point the baby's heart rate started to drop and the nurses then said, "We need to deliver this baby." My doctor hadn't arrived yet and that didn't matter anymore, she was coming. There was no more waiting for Doctor Slowpoke.
Wendi took control and told me that I was going to push with the next contraction. Two contractions and three pushes later, Kate made her way into this world at 1:15 am on June 10, about a whole 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital. What a whirlwind! She was beautiful, healthy, and tiny. She was 6 lbs. 8 oz. and 20 inches long. She had dark hair and a dark complexion and looked nothing like our other three, but she was beautiful just like her siblings.
The doctor finally made it in time to deliver my placenta! He came in to do all the clean up work. I actually tore a little bit and had to have a couple of stitches and so he stitched me up. No, I did not feel the actual tearing. I had no idea. I actually felt fine after delivering her. The pressure and burning left with the baby, and I had no more pain or discomfort. It's amazing how fast it all left and how back to normal I felt. It was great to be able to move my legs on my own, sit up on my own, and just feel normal. The way a woman's body goes through labor and recovers so quickly from childbirth truly is miraculous.
Of course I had some tenderness and soreness over the next few days, but I felt better quicker than I did with the other kids and when I had episiotomies versus this time when I slightly tore. Truly the worst part of this recovery was the contractions and cramping I would get when I nursed. I felt that was a little unfair since I already went through labor unmedicated and every time I nursed I felt like I was going through it again. Any medication I took was to relieve the pain and discomfort of postpartum contractions.
So the question is: Would I go natural again? I have to be honest and say that if I had hours worth of labor, I most likely would have gotten an epidural. That is why I am grateful that my labor was only 1 hour 45 minutes long and I didn't have a choice even if I did want an epidural. It would be extremely difficult to not get an epidural if it was hours worth of hard contractions. However, IF I were to have another baby (and I'm not planning on it), I can't say I wouldn't go natural. The fact is, if I were to have another and I was not induced, but went into labor on my own, it would most likely be even faster and I wouldn't have the chance to get an epidural and would have to go natural again. If you're wanting to go natural, it's kind of nice to be forced into it and not be able to back out. So, would I go natural again? Possibly. Probably.
Maybe it's my outlook on life, maybe I have a high pain tolerance, or maybe I just have a bad memory; but as crazy, insane, and intense as my labor was, I would never say it was absolutely horrible or one of the worst things I've ever experienced. I'm grateful that I was able to experience natural childbirth and I'm proud to be able to say that I did it. For me, it was worth it.
My rockstar nurse, Wendi, and the deliverer of Kate.
Our first family picture.
Posted by Ashlee at 2:50 PM
The week Kate was born was an interesting week, to say the least. Sunday, June 5, our family went over to my parent's house for a family dinner. When I walked into their house, I had an awesome surprise waiting for me: Rissa and her family decided to make a surprise visit and were here to stay for a few weeks. She was going to be here for Kate's birth! Yay! (And I can't even begin to describe what a life saver she's been while she's been here.)
We had a very fun dinner all together to celebrate my dad's birthday and all of the little cousins were having a great time playing together on the teeter-totter. One of the smaller cousins would sit on one side of the teeter-totter while Jace would then push down the other side, stand on the seat, and then jump off leaving the other kid to slam to the ground where they would laugh and laugh at being jolted. All of the adults were getting quite the quick out of the kids' reactions and everyone was having a good laugh. Until...it was done just one too many times.
Jace went to jump off the seat and his feet got entangled in the handle bar and he fell off the teeter-totter, landing on his arm. I knew immediately that he had done something very wrong. I ran over to him and he rolled over holding his arm crying that it was broken. Sure enough, I took one look at it and saw that it had a slight bend in his arm just above his right wrist. Travis was kind enough to splint his arm and we took off for Kidscare at Riverton Hospital at 9:15 at night. At the hospital the x-rays confirmed what we already knew: a broken arm.
All the while, Bryan had been sicker than a dog the last few days and was still not feeling well on Sunday. He had a sore throat of all sore throats and felt absolutely miserable. AND, I was due any day. The week was starting out to be very interesting with much more to come...
This picture is on Wednesday, June 8-my due date-and also the day that Jace got his cast on.
And this picture is thrown in just for fun because it pretty much sums up mine and Jace's relationship lately. I get this look quite often these days.
Posted by Ashlee at 11:18 AM
Friday, May 6, 2011
Listen. Do you hear that?
No? Well, I tell you what it is. It's the patience being sucked out of my body. Or maybe it's being sucked into my womb. Wherever it is, it's not where I need it. I have hardly any to give to my children. (Particularly one child.)
It seems that this little person growing inside of me is also known as the Patience Vacuum. Since Day 1, I swear my patience level has gotten lower and lower and my annoyance level has gotten higher and higher. I've really noticed this trend with the last two pregnancies.
I mean really, why should I be annoyed that after Jace just ate a sandwich, carrots, veggie chips, graham crackers and milk, and goldfish, that he's still hungry? Why should I be annoyed with a simple request to refill a water bottle? Why should I be annoyed with a child's choice of shoes? Why should I be annoyed with everything?
And then, one of the most interesting things about the little Patience Vacuum is that as soon as she's born, the patience immediately flows right back into my body and goes to all of the right spots and seems to fill up my patience reservoir. It is unbelievably noticeable to me.
It's such a strange phenomenon, but maybe it's necessary. Maybe the patience is sucked out of me and stored up somewhere (again, maybe in the womb with the baby) and it's returned to me when the baby's born because that's when I need it the most. I need it the most when there is a newborn with innumerable needs, other children demanding my needs and affection, a body trying to make its way back to normalcy, and so many other factors. Maybe this happens for a reason. Maybe it really is a blessing disguised as a mean trick for 9 months.
If that's the case, I just feel sorry for my poor little family for those 9 months. And that little Patience Vacuum better bring some extra patience with her because I have a feeling that 4 kiddos is gonna be a little bit of a rough adjustment.
Posted by Ashlee at 12:01 PM
Friday, April 29, 2011
I have been in blog-hibernation. Life has been busy, and I have been blog lazy. And before life gets incredibly crazy with a newborn around, I better update on our family and what has transpired over the past three months. And that's lots. So hold on for a long update.
At 6, Jace is such a little smarty. He is reading at a 2nd grade level and his comprehension is incredible. His favorite books right now are The Magic Treehouse series chapter books. I was pretty impressed with him when he finished an entire book in 65 min. one day. He's an amazing speller and is doing great at learning math. He loves to learn about animals and has developed quite the love for stuffed animals and rubber insects which he has to have lined up on his bookcase every day. (Something that annoys me to no end because I can't have "clutter" but I have to walk away since it's his room and I have to allow him that.) He enjoys playing with his friends and catching lizards in our backyard.
He is such a soft-hearted little boy who has a lot of love in his heart for his family. Almost every day he tells me that he loves me the most in the family. He gets pretty jealous if Cole is getting some snuggle time and he isn't, and then the fight is on as to who gets to snuggle with mom or dad. He is extremely stubborn and he still knows how to throw quite the fit. I'm wondering when that stage is going to end.... He and I make quite the stubborn pair and we have quite the standoff at times.
Cole just turned 4 yesterday! I can't believe he's 4, he grew up so much this year. He does so much with his brother and plays at his level that sometimes I think he should be 5! For his birthday he got a "big gun and little gun" - a rifle and a pistol-which he was absolutely thrilled about. He also got a remote control car that he played for hours with yesterday. I think we hit the jackpot with those presents. He chose to go to Incredible Pizza to play laser tag and games and then to In-N-Out for dinner.
Cole is always keeping us laughing. He has developed quite the humorous personality lately and is always saying silly things. He definitely has his father's sense of humor. For the last few months he hated Sundays. He would wake up almost every day and ask if it was Sunday: cheer when it wasn't and cry when it was. Then if it was Sunday, he would ask throughout that day if it "was still Sunday"? However, within the last month or so, this has changed and he has really started to enjoy primary. It's fun to see him transform and he now sings primary songs, knows scripture stories, gives amazing prayers, and is happy on Sundays.
Cole is also quite the smarty pants, he's just different in the way that he and Jace "display" their knowledge. He knows all of his upper and lowercase letters, knows all of their sounds, can almost count to 100, can identify all of the numbers up to 100, knows his address, phone number, and more. He also is great at writing his name and loves to spell it out loud and acknowledge that that is his name.
Something else about Cole is that he is ATTACHED to his dad. Whenever Bryan leaves the vicinity without him in public, Cole goes berserk, starts crying and screaming for Bryan, and chases after him no matter what. For example, last night at In-N-Out, Bryan got up from the table to get a refill, and Cole launched into his panic attack. Some may see it as endearing, but to Bryan and I it is extremely frustrating. He sure loves his dad.
Lily is at such a fun stage right now. She is extremely happy and content. She lights up the room and can make ANYONE smile. Everyone is always commenting on how happy she is and how much fun she is to be around, and I must say, it's true. She has the best toothy grin and always has a smile on her face. She will wander around the house and entertain herself and play with toys for hours. She is so easy at home, but out in public it's the same story as months ago - she is a busybody and we can't keep her contained.
She loves music and loves to sing and dance. I love to hear her sing her own little sounds and words to whatever we may be listening or singing to. We think we might have some sort of entertainer on our hands, whether it be a singer or dancer. She loves shoes and will bring whoever's shoes laying around to us and say "I ont shoes," which means she wants us to put them on her. Something else she loves is to give kisses. She will make her kissing face (which means she pulls her bottom lip up over her top and raises her chin up high), says "mmmmm" and wait for anyone to kiss her. She has to give everyone in the house kisses before bedtime. And no one can deny her.
Her hair is getting curlier and curlier but not much longer-musch to my dismay. Her face is also starting to thin out, but she definitely still has her ghetto booty and awesome belly. She also still sucks her thumb and is very attached to her "Boo" - her floppy stuffed bear. She also jabbers all the time and has quite a few words and phrases that she says. We love having her around and she gets quite a bit of attention from all of us, and so I know that having this new sister around is going to be a big adjustment for her.
Me? I'm just pregnant and one year older. I turned 29 this March and had a fantastic birthday. Bryan did an amazing job at planning a birthday date where I was able to "choose my own adventure birthday". I chose my birthday activity and dinner based on clues and I was given many options for each. It was a lot of fun.
I am 34 weeks and time is getting CLOSE. I am not ready for this baby nearly as much so as I was with the others. I still have a lot to do and shop for, but I can't bring myself to do it. I guess I'll just wait for the "nesting" stage to kick in and really go to town.
I feel pretty good. I get Braxton Hicks contractions which are getting more frequent and heavier. I'm still planning on going natural and Bryan still keeps trying to talk me out of it. Now I think I'm even more stubborn about doing it just to prove him wrong.
Bryan just celebrated his 33rd birthday. We were able to celebrate it in California (actually the day of his birthday we were driving home from California). We decided to take a last minute trip to visit Bryan's brother and his family. We had a ton of fun in the warm weather where we went to the park, hung out, shopped, went to a movie, and went to Six Flags, and just played. It was a great time and we love spending time with Rob, Lindsey, their girls, and also Lindsey's family (our second in-laws).
We were able to celebrate Bryan's birthday with Lindsey's family because it was her dad's birthday a couple of days before Bryan's. I made Bryan "Angry Birds" cakes since he has been addicted to that game lately. (And if you're wondering, he has 3 stars on all the levels.) Yes, he could use an Angry Birds support group. However, the last couple of days it has turned into a Solitaire addiction.
Bryan starts a new job on Monday!! About 6-7 weeks ago, Bryan lost his job. This came as a surprise but in reality it has been a blessing in disguise. He was very unhappy at his job and had actually started looking for something new when he was let go. Three weeks after he lost his job, he received a job offer with the company he wanted to work for, and it is with a company that goes hand-in-hand with what he had been doing. Since he received the offer he has just been able to hang out with the family waiting for the new job to start.
We have been so lucky to have him home with us these past several weeks. The kids have LOVED having him home and I'm pretty sure they will go through withdrawals when he starts again. I have loved having him home as well. It's been great to have the extra help around the house and with the kids, and really great to run errands without the kids. It's been fun to have him around to just be here and have fun with. There have been many hours playing games with each other, and we've turned into quite the gaming family (especially he and the kids). He will be missed greatly, but he is so ready to start and get back into a routine.
Whew! That was a lot, and probably a lot more in depth than most care to read, but hopefully it will pacify my father. Talk about nagging! ;) Now I just need to stay on top of blogging....
Posted by Ashlee at 5:05 PM
Monday, January 24, 2011
As a mother, how many times in a day can you:
- Sweep the kitchen floor.
- Wipe off the kitchen table.
- Clean off a high chair tray.
- Wipe off the counters.
- Pick up the same toys from your tornado, havoc-reaking one year old.
- Wipe a snotty nose.
- Wipe a bum.
- Hang up the hand towel in the kids' bathroom.
- Pick up the throw pillows from off the floor and put them back on the couch.
- Push in the table chairs and barstools.
- Wipe off smudgy fingerprints off the stainless steel appliances and black cupboards.
- Get a sippy of milk out of the fridge.
- Refill sippies.
- Answer, "What?"
- Say, "Please put _________ away?"
- Say, "Be nice to your sister."
- Say, "Did you wash your hands?"
- Say, "Quit (fighting, biting your fingernails, whining, complaining)."
- Say, "Go get back in bed."
- Say the word "no".
It's never ending, but I guess I would rather be doing these things countless times a day than sitting in an office working, away from them.
Posted by Ashlee at 11:56 AM
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Today I went in for The Ultrasound, and as Bryan and I made our way down the long corridor, I think I was on the border of being cocky of what this little bambino was going to be. Because I have mother's intuition, you see, and I'm rarely wrong.
We went into the darkened room, I laid on the bed and the ultrasound technician got started and looked and measured various parts of the baby. As I laid there, my confidence started to waver, and I started to wonder, "What if it's really not a boy?"
But I was just so absolutely positive it was a boy. I dreamed about it being a boy. I had the "feelings" about it being a boy. I saw our family consisting of three boys and a girl. I thought about how there was just going to be one little girl, and we were going to be so close because she was always going to be outnumbered by boys. I was so 100% positive it was a BOY.
And then it was time to find the gender... And there it is, right there between the legs.
There's nothin' between the legs. Because it's a girl.
I couldn't quite take it all in. I was in shock. It's really not a boy? But, I'd never even thought about two girls. Bryan was excited; he wanted another little girl. I couldn't even comprehend it. I think in my mind I even questioned the technician. It wasn't until SEVERAL more shots that I came to truly realize that yes indeed, it was a girl!
Now that I've had time to process it, I'm excited. We're excited for Lily to have a little sister and one so close in age. I just hope they get along. (Rissa and I weren't the best of friends growing up, so I certainly hope they are.) The boys have been the best of friends and so I hope these girls will be too. Having another girl definitely makes things a lot easier in some aspects. Two and two - nice and even. That's what's in my family and I love it.
Jace is extremely excited that it's a girl. When I told him, he jumped up and down and shouted "yay, yay, yay," and then quickly asked, "Can we name her Kate?" What's the reason Jace wanted a girl? So we could name her Kate. He's dead set on naming her Kate, which we like, but we're just not positive that's what it's going to be. Cole, on the other hand, was pretty upset. "I don't want a sister! I wanted a brother!" The main reason Cole wanted a brother? Because he wanted to name him Spike and he wanted a new brother to play Ninja Turtles with Jace and him.
So it's a girl.
Not what I thought I knew, but I'm happy.
Posted by Ashlee at 2:43 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
About 5 months ago, I posted about my love for the 18 months of perks. At the beginning of that post I wrote a disclaimer stating that I may come to regret what I had written. Well I can't say I "regret it", but perhaps I should have waited several more months to write it; because apparently sarcasm is lost in translation with The Man Upstairs.
You see, there was a line at the end of that post that said, "I'd get pregnant tomorrow just to not see her ugly face again." Well, I didn't get pregnant the very next day, just about exactly a month later.
Even while I was pregnant with Lily I always knew there was a number four waiting to join us, and I always wanted a number four. I just didn't want/expect them this close. Lily and this new one will be 20 months apart and it is kind of freaking me out. The other kids have been 26 and 30 months apart and the spacing has been wonderful. I was never worried going from 0 to 1 kid, 1 to 2, and 2 to 3 kids; but I am really worried about going from 3 to 4. I know there are many other situations out there that are closer and harder than mine, but I'm just sayin - these are my concerns.
And apparently Heavenly Father isn't the only one that has lost things in translation. Do you ever have those thoughts/premonitions that make you think, "This could be a possibility; a real possibility"?
When I would think about having Number 4, there was this little thought in the back of my mind (premonition, maybe) that this little baby could come sooner than later, meaning sooner than when we were planning on having them join our family. I had the thought that Lily and this baby would probably be closer than two years apart. Apparently this thought and my math calculations were lost in translation too because I didn't realize that I would have to be pregnant NOW (and four months ago for that matter). I think that maybe these thoughts/premonitions were Heavenly Father's way of warning me to prepare myself mentally for this.
But these thoughts were lost on me because I didn't prepare myself. I wasn't quite ready for the fact of being pregnant NOW. In fact, I was in denial for quite some time. I didn't even take a pregnancy test until I was three weeks late! I didn't make the pregnancy "public" until I was 15 weeks along - almost 16. I'm 19 weeks tomorrow. (Ever want a pregnancy to go by fast? Just don't tell anyone for 15 weeks. :)
Now that I have accepted the fact that Number 4 is joining our family in June, I am excited. I am excited to have another little newborn in our family. I love newborns. They are in every sense, Heaven. Pure Heaven. I am excited to have our family complete and to move on to our next adventures. Yes, there are going to be challenges and struggles and LOTS of changes (an entirely different post) with another one right now, but it will definitely be worth it. And I cannot wait to see if it is a boy or girl (although I really, REALLY think this one is a boy). Call it mother's intuition. I guess we'll find out for sure next Tuesday!!
So if you want to learn anything from my situation, I would say be careful what you ask or wish for and in the manner you wish for it. Because remember, sarcasm is lost in translation.
Oh, and in case you were wondering? Yes, the perky perks are back. And for that I am grateful.
Posted by Ashlee at 12:42 PM