Kindergarten and Preschool

It's official. I have a kindergartner. And this wasn't easy for me to accept.

Jace started kindergarten on September 1. He was so ready. I thought I was.

I wasn't.

(Standing in front of our back door because the sun was too bright in the front)

I took him to school the first day and had to fight back the tears even before we got there. He was so excited, yet a little nervous and I could tell by the way he would walk around with his arms folded. That's Jace's "nervous twitch" - arms folded across his chest and eyes scanning the ground.

(Playing on the playground with his cute friend, Allie)

(Standing in front of his classroom door)

I did well until he went into his classroom and it was time for me to walk away.

(My friends thought it would be a great idea to take a picture of me crying. Luckily, you can't tell I'm a blubbery mess.)

I cried off and on for the remainder of the day. And if I think about it too much, I still cry.

(Like right now.)

He loves kindergarten so far and it has been fun to have him come home everyday and ask him what he did in class. I get to hear lots of new songs, I find out what kids had to "pull a card" that day, who he played with at recess, and if he earned a "caughtcha."

I have this love/hate relationship with dropping him off at school. I love to see how big and responsible he looks as he slings his backpack over his shoulder and marches his way through the kindergarten gate ready to conquer the world. And yet, I hate to see him so big and independent, knowing that I'm not going to be right there with him to protect him from the harsh reality of this world.

Cole misses his big brother immensely. Multiple times throughout the morning he asks, "When's Jace gonna be home?" He's kind of lost without him. And to be honest, so am I. I've forgotten how to entertain a child. It's been a dream to have Jace and Cole be best friends because they rely on each other for entertainment.

Two days after Jace started school, Cole had to go off and start preschool on me too.


Sheesh.

He, too, is so excited to be going to school. During preschool orientation, a week earlier, he was sitting in front of me while his teacher was going over the rules, when he turned around to me and whispered, "I love this school." He's been waiting for a whole year to be able to go to Teacher Nisha's.

Surprisingly, I didn't have as hard of a time sending Cole to preschool as I thought I would. It was strange to leave him at school, yet fun to see him so ready to go and not be afraid as I thought he would be. He needs this independence.

(Cole on his playground.)

I think I'm having such a hard time with this because I know their childhood is slipping by me so quickly. And I look back over the years and question if I've done enough, played enough with them, made enough memories with them, taught them enough, scolded and yelled too much, enjoyed who they are enough.

So with a new school year, there's a sense of renewal. Here's to loving them more, laughing with them more, reading to them more, yelling less, having more patience, kissing them more, snuggling them more, and reflecting on those moments more.